Sometimes I find myself wondering how different my life would be today if I hadn’t had such a life altering experience when I was 20 years old. My perspective changed, my goals changed, everything changed.
Who would I be today? Where would I have gone? Would I still feel as broken, perpetually trying to re-obtain what was taken from me? Did it make me a stronger person, or a better person? Was there any good that came from it? I’m still asking myself these questions all these years later. I get more numb to it as the years go on but I find that it still steers my life.
It made me afraid to give in last fall, when someone offered me exactly what I wanted, but didn’t know it yet. Now all I want is that chance again, but it’s no longer there. So many missed opportunities. So many “What if’s?”
And I overanalyze it all. I torture myself. I am my own worst enemy.